To hell in a hand basket!

11 Aug

I am in bad need of a mulligan! I don’t like the way this sounds because I am not suicidal but I am however ready for this life to be over! I have almost no regrets, after all we get to be who we are by what we have been through. I really am tired of pretending to be strong. I am tired of watching young people go through what I have and them not see where it went bad for me and others. I had children in what appeared to be a stable marriage with a stable state of mind. Who knew they would both break. Now I have children that get to watch me suffer daily with worry that I could be better that their life could be better. I was selfish to think that I needed kids to love, care for and to love me to be a complete person. My children suffer with the same mental problems as I do. I unfortunately did not know I was ill and any sign of mental illness could be beaten out of us with a belt or switch rather than seeking help. I am bi-polar, I get strange looks and pity for my trouble. I fight daily with the urge to spout evil words, I have bad cases of verbal diarrhea! Why do you want to have a child that you don’t want to take care of? Why is it that everyone else is the cause of your problems? Why don’t you buy a car instead of thinking that the world owes you a free ride? Let’s let the ink dry on your divorce before you get married again?! You see these are the “words in my world”! Anyone know a quick cure for bi-polar or a fix it pill to slow my verbal diarrhea? I can take you being blunt with me but can you? Life sux then you die. You can all come from a common womb but that doesn’t mean I have to like who you are and after it is all said and done isn’t family all we have? How cute I still have nothing! I am here to gripe, bitch and moan if you don’t want to read about it then hop off now!


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11 Aug

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